I found myself at a point in my life that I never dreamed possible. A life that started
with such promise was devastated by an unfaithful partner… I thought it was all over….
29 years of combined dreams and purpose, shattered….
I could make no sense of it all. Nothing seemed to align properly and I could see no
justification for such a significant betrayal.
With shattered dreams, shredded hopes, frayed nerves and a tormented soul I contacted Dave.
I felt that all the anchors in my life and navigation equipment had been destroyed and
found myself flailing in a world that no longer made sense. In a very calm, authentic
and measured manner, Dave managed to steer me away from the victim mentality to
focus on things that I still had, on things I could influence and change and helping me
to once again find some purpose and meaning, even amongst the chaos.
I was quietly frustrated when much of the conversation was focused on me, on what I
could do, on what I could change, when inwardly I wanted to do some more finger
pointing! Dave skilfully and patiently kept steering the conversation back to me. I am
so thankful that he did because it started a journey of tremendous personal growth
and significantly increased my understanding of authentic communication, respect,
honour and commitment in a marriage relationship.
I soon started realising how I had contributed to the event. Years of slow
bleeding, of attempting to control, off fuelling resentment in my spouse, of not
encouraging sincere and honest communication, of pursuing a misguided
understanding of spousal relationships largely influenced by my own culture
and upbringing.
In my efforts to ‘protect’ our marriage I became extremely controlling and over
protective. Over a long period of time this undermined the very foundation of
our marriage. And so, haltingly, I came to realise my significant contribution to
creating a climate in which unfaithfulness could breed. There was no effort to
diminish the enormity of what happened or to absolve my spouse of a very
poor choice. But yet in all of the mess, Dave helped me to seek, find and
navigate a path to wholeness and purpose.
My wife and I are 5 months into the restoration phase of our marriage. I draw
daily on some of the skills and principles that Dave guided me into. We are
communicating honestly and openly and for the first time in many years we
can have ‘conflict/disagreement’ without tension, even comfortable to leave
things unresolved, a new experience for me. I have grown tremendously, taking
responsibility for myself and my own actions and extending grace, freedom
and space to my spouse whenever and as often as possible (also new to me). I
am so thankful for the time I spent with Dave and I look forward to continued
‘touching base’ sessions as we navigate a much better future.
I couldn’t recommend Dave highly enough. If you are looking for someone who has “it”, Dave does! He has the special “it” that is evident in all that he does and says, give him a go and you might find “it” too, just like I did!